truth

she sat with hands folded
on the soft cotton lap of her skirt
leaning intently forward, hair like wheat falling
over her narrow shoulder
ankles crossed, feet tucked
beneath the chair

did you feel this choice was the right one?
she asked
do you feel that you have done wrong?
was your life lived toward this moment
would you have changed it knowing?

my mind did not feel as if it thought
cataloging her features instead
the full tender lips, pink
skin soft as a lover's whisper
heart body soul mind
face
faintly dusted with life

how do you know what is right? I asked
What is wrong? What is change?
Are they not just names we place on
things we cannot grasp? Can we dip our cup
into the river of life
and think we know the whole?

Her face clouded, and the hands lost their color
bloodlessly clenched
looking away at the green grass fields stretching
endless
shifting at the the touch of uncertain winds

You must have known the path you were taking
would lead to this place
she said, voice low, troubled
opened palms flat on her thighs
pressing down along the lengths of muscle
as if sore from exertion
she did not speak it but
her tension begged for comfort

My sigh was lost in the sudden
rustling of the leaves behind me, the sun
shaping shadows from familiar things
why must I have known? I asked
gentle to ease her distress
do you think each step was taken with thought
a piece wisely chosen to sharpen
the vision I saw in my private dreams?

then where is the peace?
her words hung in the air
with the scent of freshly turned earth and
the lazy buzzing of a sated bee,
hands folded again and still

I could see my smile puzzled her
knowing as she did the path I chose
believing she could learn how to choose another
avoid my fate
my destiny

there is no peace
I said
none here for us, no path
goes there
peace is for another place and for some
not even then

I longed to smooth the lines now drawn
between her brows
not sure my words would reach her
but trying -
I can't say other choices would have taken me
to a better or different end
my thoughts, my feelings, my knowledge of myself
my knowledge of you
are seen through the lens of my life

desperate now to reach her
an urgency strangely built on truth
I denied -
cloud shadows chasing swiftly across the lawn -
I touched her skirt, she looked
into my soul

when I ask why, and what if
I said
I am setting aside my future to search for a past
that has not been and can not
be
Can I be any plainer than these words?

Stillness fell between us
until the pulses of nature
scents and sounds and kisses of breeze
stirred her again

If there is no right, there is no wrong
she said, placing her hand over mine
how can you find forgiveness if you only see darkness?
Does not the water in the river carry
each needful part of the whole?
Can we not learn from your walk?

Can we not? I murmured and fell back
exhausted
she would not release my hand but followed
kneeling in puffs of vibrant cloth
beside me

A heart that struggles toward truth makes its own peace
she whispered as I closed my eyes
sun warm on my body
I do not need to see your path to know your truth
- her hand caressing my arm -
can we find in this knowledge, hope?
her hand moved gently up to my shoulder, leaning
in until she became me
again

(c) slc 1997